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2019 Power Rankings-Week 5
Introduction Incredibly, both momma and GBM are 61-65 through 126 games. Seems unlikely. But Papa and Paddock also have the same record. They are 56-69 (nice) through 125 games. What are the odds that two pairs of teams both have the same record through nine years and over 125 fantasy games, and that they are both playing for the tie-breaker on the same week? That's what we've got in week five as we join together not only in celebration of our friendship but in the life of the legendary Joe Mac with the first annual Joe Mac Invitational. Words cannot express the loss our friend Paddock went through earlier this year, and I don't mean the loss he felt when he drafted Dede Westbrook as his WR1 only to have Nick Foles go down in the season opener. We can say all the words in the dictionary to try and explain it and make it better but nothing will bring back the ones we love, and that is the unfortunate fragility and beauty of life. We only have the time we have. So start your boom-or-busts, reach in the draft to get your guy, blow your FAAB budgets on a hunch for one player, and oh yeah, love your friends and family to the fullest and don't forget to let them know how you feel. Speaking of things we all love (but also fucking hate), let's talk fantasy football. Survivor Update It seems our group has gotten a lot better at Survivor over the years. Here is the breakdown of survivors through four weeks over the last few years. *2017: Three teams, all with one strike *2018: Two teams, both with one strike *2019: Seven teams, two with one strike There is an eliminated team, and that is Jared. Jared didn't make a pick, so that's embarrassing. It makes perfect sense because Jared once again was in London for fantasy last week and by gawd did he play like it. The Overseas Curse continues. Butt and Paddock each have a strike. This week will be interesting since the Dolphins are on the bye. Monthly Meetings - Papa's Posse Here is this weeks chart showing which months Papa has played each team (minimum 3 seasons) in the LOC through the 2019 regular season: Papa and momma will face off in October for the first time this season. Shotti and Papa and Paddock and Papa have still never faced each other in December. Series recaps * Pain Train ties the regular season series 6-6 and ties the franchise series against RIPDab (7-7). Next Matchup: N/A * Bell of Da Ball, after losing three straight, has won three straight to tie the series with momma (3-3). Next Matchup: N/A * Duck Punchers takes the lead in this tight and always entertaining matchup with Papa's Posse (9-8). Next Matchup: N/A * Sweet Dee ties the regular season series (4-4) and takes the lead in the franchise series against GBM (5-4). Next Matchup: Week 8 * The Shotti Bunch extends their series lead over Paddock 9 (8-2). Next Matchup: Week 10 Stat Chat This week's chart shows the total points scored against each team in the regular season of the League of Champions. The average points against per season and per game are updated through the 2018 season. Shotti continues to lead the pack, having played eight seasons and seeing an average score of 208 points per game in that span. Those with nine seasons under our belts lead the way in total points, with Papa having just become the first team to break 22,000 points in 2019 (this chart is only updated through 2018 so it is not shown here). Other stats of note: * Pain Train beats out RIPDab to become the third team to reach 60 regular season wins. * Instead, RIPDab becomes the 6th team to reach 50 regular season losses. * Bell of Da Ball becomes the 12th team to reach 10 regular season wins. * Bell of Da Ball has now gone 24 regular season weeks without back-to-back wins. * Insane bench point stats: ** Paddock 9's bench has scored over 45 points in every game. ** RIPDab's bench has scored over 50 points in every game. ** Papa's Posse's bench has scored over 60 points in every game. ** Bell of the Ball's bench has socred over 65 points in every game. ** Pain Train's bench has scored over 90(!!!!) points in every game. * Paddock 9 is the 6th team that Shotti has beaten at least 8 times. This is, obviously, a league record. Shotti has a chance to make it seven teams later this year with a showdown against Sweet Dee. Team Records By Month Updated 10-1-19 Now that we say goodbye to September, take a look at how everyone stakes up. Duck, Pain Train, Shotti, and RIPDab all broke the 20-win threshold, while Papa became the second team to record 20 losses in the month. Looking ahead to October, this is typically the time when Duck starts to get hot. They have close to an 80% win rate in October and only a 55% rate in September + November & December. While Duck makes like a duck heading to Florida for the Winter and gets warm this time of year, several teams have their worst month at this time. Papa's wins drop 10%, while RIPDab's wins drop 16%. Bell of Da Ball, who is batting .400 in September, has the exact same record in October. Consistency is king. And in case anyone is wondering how it's possible that Butt has played in September three times and October only twice and has the same W/L record it's because the first two seasons Butt played featured three September games and five October games. Bust Watch One look at Cincy's offense and you can understand why a talent like Bro Mixon is nothing more than a risky flex play in 2019. Bell and Barkley, meanwhile, didn't play in week three and are still outscoring motherfuckers on the Bust Watch. For the first time in LOC history, the first overall pick is the top scoring W/R/T in the game. Let's see if he can keep it up. Pain Train scored almost the exact same amount of points as in their last matchup against RIPDab (227.38 in 2018, 227.27 in 2019). GBM has scored under 200 in four of their last five games against Sweet Dee. Power Rankings I'm going to keep it 100 with you guys. I don't think any of the top teams (by record) deserve to be ranked number one this week. The most consistent squads have been Bell of Da Ball and Sweet Dee but these two can't string wins together to save their lives and in a mean twist of fate they play each other next week. But rankings need to take into account that somewhat important WIN statistic. So this is what we got: 1(2). The Duck Punchers (3-1) Hopkins needs to get going, and he will. Once that happens, it's him, Cooper, Golladay, and Landry. That is a mean foursome of receivers to compliment volume backs Frank Gore and Derrick Henry. Let's see what happens with Baltimore defense but this team is shaping up very nicely and is in a good spot at 3-1. 2(1). Paddock 9 (2-2) The league's top scorer has gotten worse as Halloween has gotten closer and closer. Last week Mahomes laid an "egg" in Detroit. I put "egg" in quotes because he was still spectacular, but he didn't throw for 600 yards and 10 TDs so I guess he sucked. Airgo, visa-vee, Pat starting half the Chiefs offense did not bode well for him against his kryptonite, Shotti. Now it's a pivotal "get-right" game with Papa's Posse. Now that they have Robbie Gould, done with his bye week, I will be anxious to see if they touch the kicker position again this season. The eyes of the world are upon thee. 3(4). The Shotti Bunch (3-1) I could not be more disappointed with Shotti's success this season. They had, in all fairness and by not exaggerating a tiny bit, the WORST team in the league in September. They only scored 748 points and sit at 3-1. Meanwhile, Dee scored 909 points and are in 8th. But, that's fucking Shotti. So why are they ranked third? Well, like I said, they're Shotti. They figure it out. But now they have all their suspended and holdout players back, so they are going to get better. Nice work, everyone. You guys couldn't even take advantage of a Shotti team playing worse than JarJar Stinks, and now they're good again. Him beating me by 3 because I started Donte Moncrief will be one of those fantasy losses I will never forget. 4(3). RIPDab (3-1) Speaking of teams that suck but that keep winning, how about 786 from 2nd place RIPDab? Imagine if they had taken Barkley with the first overall pick instead of McCaffrey? Scary stuff. But just win, baby. Will Dissly at TE was a great find and like I've already said, I will not hate on this team at all for winning thanks to a cake schedule (2nd easiest through four games). They got screwed last year and even though they were a baby about it I think we can all understand their pain. 5(5). Sweet Dee (1-3) Sweeet! I'm not mad at all that Sweet Dee got the W this week. They have a great team that was not at all deserving of 0-4 and they have done well in their relief of Damien Williams. This week will be very telling in regards to Austin Ekeler. If both he and Williams only produce RB2 numbers it is going to be hard to sustain the position until week 10 when Kareem Hunt returns from suspension. 6(9). Bell of Da Ball (2-2) Bell achieves 6(9) niceness this week thanks to a boost from Niko Chubb and now the hopeful return of rookie-of-the-year candidate Terry Cruz McLaurin. Although good luck against the Patriots secondary this week, Terry. The team is a 62% favorite against rival Duck Punchers this week and I'm sure the stupid idiots won't fuck it up. On a side note, congratulations on the sex, Butt. Butt is expecting his second child, or rather Butt's mailman is expecting his second child. If his future as a father is anything like his managerial skills in this league we can expect him to be present for the first year and then vanish in a cloud of shame and self-defeat for half a decade, only to return claiming to have learned how to succeed when in actuality they're still the same old Butt Fucker just fixing for a letdown. 7(7). Papa's Posse Papa has been ranked seventh three weeks in a row now, but can finally move up with a statement win against Paddock 9. The squeaky wheel gets the grease, and Adam Thielen is looking like Greased Up Deaf Guy this week for the Vikings. Diggs could dig in to that target share as there are rumors that he wants out of Minnesota, so we shall see. Stefon has said that he will not comment on those rumors but there are truth to all rumors, but he will not be commenting on the rumors which he says there might be some truth to. That woul be unprofessional...I think. 8(6). Garoppoblow Me (1-3) Just fucking blow me. GBM's 151 was the lowest score they've had since week 11 of 2015. Garop has gotten so screwed this year by having the 8th fewest points scored out of all ten teams. If they could just score more points they'd be winning. But whatever, being last is only a precursor to an amazing run. And they are primed for just that against momma and an injured Pain Train team in the next two weeks. They basically need to be back to .500 by mid-October or they can kiss their season goodbye. A loss to momma this week would all but end their shot at losing in the semifinals for the fifth straight year. Speaking of fifth, they are starting their fifth different QB this week (laughing/crying emoji). 9(10). ma ma momma said The least flashy team in the league is off to a great start with Cooper Trooper Kupp balling out for the fourth straight week. The guy is a stud, but can the rest of this team hold up their end of the bargain. Rodgers against that vaunted Cowboys defense should be an interesting matchup, as Rodgers doesn't seem to hold much fantasy value thus far in 2019. David Johnson, meanwhile, is good for at least 30 in the easiest RB matchup of the week (against Cincy). It's loser goes home kind of week against GBM. 10(8). Pain Train IR A name change I can actually get behind, Pain Train modifies their trademark title for the second time this season (they previously dropped the WOO WOO to go with the more sleek non-onomatopoeia name (also Pat how does your dyslexia handle that word?)) and adds the injured reserve designation. The added accessory is accurate. Derrius Guice, John Ross, Davante Adams, Devin Singletary, Tyreek Hill, and TJ Hockinson are all hurt. They're looking like the New England Patriots offensive line of fantasy rosters. How they are 2-2 is a testament to how badly the Fantasy Gods want Pain Train to uphold his role as league villain. Matchup of the Week The matchups this week are absolutely incredible. RIP vs. Dee in a 3-1 vs. 1-3 marriage bout, with Dab holding an 8-2 series edge but Dee holding the Eternal Cup of Glory. Garoppoblow Me vs. momma in this fun rivalry that dates back to Glory Bowl II and was renewed in 2016 when they fought for the 6th seed on week 13 of the LOC regular season. Momma leads 7-4. Duck vs. Bell, with Duck trying to go 4-0 against his longtime friend and once upon a time roommate. Let's see if Pain Train has a little fight left against Luckiest Shooter in the West Shotti. Shott is 8-2 against Pain Train. I'm putting the house on Shotti because I know that this fucking guy is going to catch every break this season. But ultimately it's the 2-2 vs. 2-2 battle in the Joe Mac Invitational tomorrow. Papa vs. Paddock 9. I am thrilled that this matchup is actually worthy of MOTW as these two teams are both at .500, coming off losses, and in need of a huge win to get them back in contention for the bye spots. Take a look at this projection. Mahomes vs. Wentz, Ertz vs. Andrews, Cook vs. Bell, Tennessee vs. Houston. There are some awesome matchups. With Pat running two SF 49ers out there, look for Papa to maintain a lead heading into Monday Night with Paddock in range for a win if his guys perform to projections. I hope that both these teams break 300 but I also hope that it's a nail-biter and that somehow it ends in a tie.